But no word, no shape, no photograph could ever twist so far that it could begin to explain even a little bit of how I feel.


This is where it starts, from the beating of your heart.

Day 4; Your views on religion.
I must say that I do doubt whether He exists or not. Sometimes I pray, I pray real hard, but I don't get what I prayed for. And then some people often hear voices from Him saying what they should do etc. right? Why don't I hear them? Because I'm clouded by my own self doubts? I heard of a story saying that even a guy who doubted Him heard His voice, so I can't wait till that day comes for me... It seems pretty exciting!

I'm dying, i'm dying, I'M DYING. i need something new. i need something to distract me from this shit. and yet im not looking forward to the distraction.

two lonely souls blended in together, both in denial of the truth and facts.
two lonely souls who never wanted to be lonely. but here they are. and this too shall pass. the wind will blow them away and back together again. and this is how the world works. you don't need me and i don't need you anymore, but we codepend on each other in some other ways. to fill our empty voids.
no one ever wants you for you. people are selfish like that. they want you to fill up the loneliness, the emptiness, and supply temporary happiness. once your job's done, they'll leave. used. and you get used to it.

something new i need to change about myself: i need to stop my addiction to emotional pain. i realised that for the past months, i just keep thinking about how it hurts. it hurts it hurts it hurts and then it REALLY hurts. at least its better now. i dont do it as often. only when im alone. better than nothing i guess.